On the other side...

So far today was quite productive. Eventhough I woke up late, but by the time I got to college I was all focused on my revision. I did about 4 hours of work, time well spent. Very happy with myself. But when I reached home at around 6pm, I was so hungry, the last meal I had was as 11am. As usual I became so greedy, ate too much and now I'm like a sack full of potatoes. I'm absolutely useless when I'm in this condition, I don't feel like moving a finger. Then I realise, I should definitely put the word 'LAZY' in my 10-words-to-describe-urself, without a doubt.

From that, I got myself into thinking what other 9 words that best describe me. The next word I can think of is 'MOODY'. I'm sure my fiance would back me up on this, he is often the poor victim of my moodiness. Even so, I am not the kind of person who shouts and snaps at ppl rudely when moodiness strikes. I just become really quiet, serious and not smiling. And unfortunately it is quite obvious, apparently I'm quite a smiley person.

Third word would most probably be 'VAIN' haha. Deep inside me I know i'm vain and I deny it to myself from time to time. But the most important thing is I wouldnt want people to think that I'm vain. Well, too late for that since I've already typed it out . The truth is, everytime I pass across a mirror or anything reflective, I couldnt help but to catch a glimpse of myself. Mostly, I was appalled by how 'basi' I looked. I can only count few events for which I'm satisfied of how fresh and vibrant I looked. All in all, I dont think I'm the worst kinds of vain. The kind that makes sure every strand of her hair is at the right place.

Eventhough I look at my reflection but most of the time I couldnt be bother to do anything about it. Which is even worse, because you'll get a little bit unhappy about how you look and you're not doing anything about it. Well enough about vanity! Lets think of the next word, I want to say 'full-of-crap' but not sure of what 1 word that says it all. From reading my blog, you should have known it by now....

Oh well I need to get back to my revision, shall continue this later.

'Smart people discuss ideas, little people discuss other people, Vain people talk about themselves in their own blog hahaha'

hey at least we don't talk bad about other people and we aint hurting anyone aight?? One thing that bothers me a bit. You know, how people criticise about dolly looking girl being so bimboish and stupid. Whats wrong with that, that's who they are and if they're not hurting anyone, just be quiet. How about those who called themselves smart and so called 'oppionated', then starts sarcastically trashing about how others are stupid and lame? Ponder people!

My famous sayings,
Strive to be better, don't be a hater! PEACE!

I keep telling myself I should concentrate and study. But my brain seems to refuse to absorb anything that I read. And my heart is even worse, keep influencing my other body parts to be lazy. Is there no motivation in me anymore to study? Its like there's a silence struggle within me whenever I sat infront of the study desk. I feel like crying sometimes just because I don't have the will to revise. As if I couldnt care less about my future. That fact saddens me. Makes me wonder, am i too comfortable of who and where I am and what I have? But I have always wanted more out of life, more money, more knowledge and the list goes on. Then, why the struggle? I do have high ambitions and I do have high desire for self-actualisation. Maybe I should see a shrink. Get everything sorted out once and for all. What a waste of money and time, asking other ppl what you want and who you are!!! Such bull crap

What I know for sure at the moment is that, I DON'T FEEL LIKE F***ING STUDYING!!! I'm sure a shrink can't deduce that from me.
God, please help me. Enlighten me! I wish there is drug to make boost up your morale to study more. Red Bull and coffee doesnt work anymore. They just make you hyper and you'll end up going out and have fun. Once the caffeine effect has drained off, you'll get depressed and realised you haven't done any work, feel like kicking yourself. Maybe I should go to the library to study tomorrow, hopefully the change of environment would do me good. Wish me luck strangers, byeeeee.

I hope my blog url doesn't sound cheesy, I just don't feel spending too much time thinking of one. There were so many times before, I tried to create my own blog. I stopped half way because I couldn't think of a cool blog title, but tonight I couldn't care less. Nevertheless, I'm suppose to be studying, my final exams are just around the corner and i'm not even half way through my notes. *sighs* Nevermind that.

When I started to have an urge to create a blog of my own, I know I wouldn't want to tell anybody about it. I wanted to write it anonymously. Not even my fiancee knows about this, I know this is going to upset him. But it's like a short 'getaway' for me from evrything and everyone that I have and know. A place when I can pretend to be someone else. Or to be the true 'me'? That I'm not sure. Hopefully when I start to write a bit more, I'll find out.

Yesterday, I watched Desperate Housewives S03Ep18 , it was over dramatic as usual. And later that day, Divorce and Prenupt of the Rich and the the Famous was on MTV. Me being a victim of celebrities gossips and reluctant supporter of papparazis watched it attentively. It's sad to see how many broken marriages growing like moulds on your expired breads. Makes other people have less faith in the good will of marriage. Even more, made people feel its normal thing now and hence they just easily give up on it when it gets a bit rocky.

In the early days, its always the men's fault. Often the case, he can't keeps his pants up to younger women. But nowadays, women played an equal bad-guy role in broken marriage. So called 'we women are equal with men' has taken the wrong turn. If I nag on about men not being faithful and never satisfied with what they have, that would be absolutely redundant. Lets talk about us women.

Just because your man cheated on you, that doesnt mean you should do the same thing to him. Instead you should put him to shame, by showing that your not as low life thug and coward as he is. Be a lady, sue his ass off if you must. Burn down his PS2, scratch his sports car, fill up his gas tanks with water, give away his favourite shirts/pants for charity, videotaped his nasty habits, talk bad about him to everybody, anything ladies but please dont get caught. Then, if you decide to still take him back, thats up to you. Well you know what they say, can't live with him, cant live without him. But I do believe working hard to make it work. It's not a sign of weakness to forgive. I mean if he's a good catch, why should some other tramp have him right?

I dare not to say more about this actually. Me, myself about to embark into married life soon. I love him, and unfortunately he's a man. hehe I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, despite my hard ass talking in the previous paragraph. Thinking how my life with him would be in the future, keeps me going everyday and puts me soundly asleep at night. Thats all for tonight...